>>56115
My self esteem was pretty good a week or so ago. The only reason I'm being so self deprecating is because I feel like the actual soul is being sucked out of me. I have little to no passion for anything other than refreshing this thread with a pit in my stomach. The screencaps in videos where I make weird faces, the fucking AI nudes, the picture of me halfway across the room put through an analysis filter to say I look like a 30+ y/o man, all the photos of me put through ai to make my face look distorted cause I put a blanket over my mouth or something, the impulsive thread I did always haunting me, it's all gotten to me. My personality was not fake. I was happy to be here. I was genuinely bubbly. I was happy to talk to anons and express my silly love for idols with them. I've met people through being Ika that make me incredibly happy, and that I love talking to. Despite those friends, I feel like I've been stretched to my absolute limit. I'm able to take credit for this. I put myself out there, I just didn't understand what would come of it, cause all I saw was sunshine and rainbows. Wether posting certain things on the free net is my fault or not (I shouldn't have gone in the kitchen, since I didn't understand there would be heat), that's not the main point. The point is my underdeveloped ass brain didn't ring any alarm bells that I'd be here in weeks time. I'm at the brink of actually pulling my hair out, and I know you probably won't give a shit but I at least want to express myself. I probably can't change what your opinion of me is now. I could run through hoops, explain it all and at the end just call myself a stupid person online doing stupid shit, cause that's how it's been since forever, not even JUST for me. Id like to do that, actually, because the person you believe me to be in your head likely isn't at all. a reflection of who I really am, besides the fact that I'm a complete dumbass. Whatever I say probably won't change your opinion, your mind is made up.