Our moon is so useless and pathetic compared to all of the cool moons out there in the solar system. While so much other moons have all these cool features, all our Moon did was hit us, and then get a free ride orbiting us for a few billion years.

Europa is such a cool moon, that it could potentially have liquid water underneath. The gravitational effects of its planet Jupiter, and some of Jupiter's other Moons (including Ganymede, a moon so sick, it is bigger than the planet Mercury, and almost as big as Mars; Callisto, another huge ass moon bigger than ours, one that might even have water as well; and Io, a pizza coloured moon with fucking sulfuric volcanoes) cause internal movement for the body, meaning there might not only be the biggest ocean currently known in the universe there, but it could very well have geothermic vents. Geothermic vents mean that there could potentially be life there! Our stupid ass moon can't do none of that shit, it's just barren.

How about Titan? Easily the biggest moon of Saturn, it is so big its gravity helps Saturn's smaller moons from crashing into the ringed planet - it is literally saving their lives! Could our moon do that? Nah, it's too pathetic to do anything of the sort. Not only that, but it is the only moon with a proper greenhouse effect going on, it literally has an atmosphere, and oceans made out of liquid methane (and some scientists think there might even be water). Could our moon have an atmosphere? The flimsy little dust bubble it has around it hardly counts, it's so shit.

Look at our friend Triton. It was a dwarf planet in its own right, and not only any dwarf planet, but the largest one, bigger than Pluto and Eris. However, the poor thing was brutally captured by Neptune, and is now in a orbit around the planet, going the opposite way from the other moons to show its uniqueness. It also has geysers that throw out gaseous nitrogen that it carries around in it, creating its own atmosphere, and making it one of the 4 places in the solar system with known geological activity, apart from the Earth, Io and Saturn's Enceladus (that motherfucker is covered in fresh ice and it's of the shiniest things in the solar system, cos it erupts water vapour). Could OUR moon have geological activity? Of fucking course not.

Even Charon is cooler than the moon, and it doesn't even orbit a real planet. Its around half the size of Pluto, and its so massive, it actually makes Pluto wobble around a point outside of Pluto itself, making it more of a duo-planetary system then a moon. It affects the environment so much scientists say that the other moons, rather than orbiting Pluto, orbit a Pluto-Charon system. Can our tiny-ass moon do that? No it can't.

So anyways, fuck the moon.