>>58653
I live in a sad little cycle where I forget what joy feels like until something takes me back to my childhood or my brain just flips that switch randomly (which happens like once a year at best). I can only experience happiness through memories or sheer luck. And that's very sad honestly but I don't think I can fix it, I don't think there's anything to be done. However it's something I need to keep in mind when I get mad at other people and/or find them weird and impossible to understand. It's not just my autism and not just their NPCness, there are other things that factor in as well