since that sounded different than I intended I should clarify that by "remove myself from the equation" I meant sheltering myself like I've done these last several months not killing myself. I've never been suicidal which I guess is a good thing, but it's not like that's going to make me feel better about anything, it just means I won't kill myself. Alexi Laiho put it so well when he wrote the line "I hate everything I see". That's real gnosticism right there. Or whatever. I don't always feel that way of course, it's been more of a jaded feeling after that initial rage phase. Sometimes even kind of peaceful. But not usually