>>411

Some days ago after reading this I asked myself
>How do I grow the white spike
and got the answer of
>you get the white spike and grow it
And I did just that! Then I tried to figure out if I really did that or I am doing something else then tried to conceptualize what am I exactly doing and I felt inside that I am sabotaging the process greatly so I stopped that.

It's funny tho because I have ways to see what I am doing but they are not my main skills and I have hard time getting them work reliably. Before the 5K spike I asked myself how would my own sigil look like and it had a giant outward spiky line structure outside of my main core systems. After the 5k spike was posted I was wondering if it was the same or not but added it just to be sure because concepts have a tendency of merging and diverging all the time anyway...

Also I came back to the part where I need to look into my past lives. When I first tried to look into them I got 2 minor glimpses that were so boring that I accepted that advice that "there is no reason to visit past lives because you learned what you needed to learn there and what you didn't learn there will follow you into this life anyway and wasting time on them will just hinder your spiritual path"(I have no idea where I read this it was long ago anyway)

But then I had some dreams from ages long forgotten and in the dreams I noticed that I don't have this rigid mental process I possess nowadays. I mean it's far far more flexible from a normal mundane obv, but what I mean about it's rigidness that it tries to conceptualize everything build structures that solidify things but because the structures are not perfect it sometimes hinders spiritual development. It has a great use tho. It's like a heavy plate armor. Ir protects and reinforces my thoughts but really slows me down. I realized ways how to leave it behind and only summon it when I am under attack or in danger but that's not what I am trying to say now.

As far as my dreams go it seems in the beginning I had ways to do things with more ease and my intuition was there, but as time went on I got obsessed more or less with hierarchic structures and it seems I used my dormant abilities to amass power then when I had some realization this is not what I want everything went downhill...

What I am trying to say I am trying to figure out a way to get my mostly overwritten skills back and make them work by solidifying them back into this life(the hardest part tbh). So I don't need to reinvent them but merely rediscover them.