I'll tell you about a place that you've never been and will never go, but I was there, a guest of someone, and thank god I escaped without losing something I cared about.

There existed a building that looked kinda fancy on the outside but not out of place in a nice area of downtown. It kinda looked like a fancy hotel, and it was, but not one you could just book. It was a private hotel, by invitation only and if you're not on the list, they don't care how much money you have. Then if you are, it's still not free, not by a long shot.

You've heard of 5 star? Have you heard of 7 star? On that scale, this would be 700 star, I mean when you step in that door you might as well be a king. You get *whatever* you want and I mean *whatever* and the crazier that request is the more it'll cost you. I talked to a bellboy of sorts, a concierge sort of, and he told me a couple things, I wasn't the one paying, I wasn't going to spend the night, it was a crazy party that I all but forgot but this isn't about that party, it's about the service.

One thing he told me was very telling, "we're in the business of getting these customers 'whatever they want' and sometimes even these guys see the price at the end of their stay and they think it's too much or maybe they just don't want to pay so they don't, but we're in the business of getting them whatever they want and so we're also in the business of collecting from them, I guarantee that."

In this "hotel" it was like a circus because everything looked fake but it was likely real, like a full sized jeweled tiger, and a jade statue that was probably from some forgotten dynasty, and there was a guy towing around a femboy on a leash, the boy looked emo and he looked at me and I didn't know what was going on. So I didn't acknowledge anything. Then there were girls too obviously and I didn't card anyone but mostly I just drank and talked to a friend then left before the 'show' because I wasn't interested in a 'show' and maybe I would have seen something that I couldn't unsee and maybe they'd have something on me if I had asked for something, so I stuck to drinks. I remember a waitress and she looked like she was only wearing a teddy and no underware and that was uncomfortable, I would guarantee you she was on the menu.

I can guarantee you that if I stayed, I was on the menu too. I have a knack for having good intuition and not saying goodbye and I believe that saved my ass literally. I just left, I snuck out with my friend and no one saw us leave. I bet you they had pizza and hotdogs in the basement.