Time to write some longposts again because I figured some mysteries out and writing them down always helps me figure them out further.

In the past 3 weeks I was also merging with this "Shakti" energy (high grade feminine energy). (I am so bad making "feminine" energies I always need an entity that can share it). It entered the outer layers of my body then it stopped at my ring finger. It filled up 20% of my human body. Then I had to go and "merge" with this energy. I had to "retake" my body with my energies. First it gives you happiness of a loving relationship. But because I am not on the path for "happiness" or bliss but to further my awakening and complete enlightenment I didn't really indulge in it. Then as I was merging with it black structures started to move toward my 3rd eye and heart (probably parts of that mysterious monolith that is in my body). The solid dark substance started to flow into the pure liquidlike energy and as they merged they turned into a vortex and pierced my 3rd eye and heart chakra. It was a funny feeling but then my 3rd eye and heart started to emit a dark black smoke. As this happened I realized I pierced the "death layer". If I remember correctly Robert Bruce said that he can see when people are about to die because their aura emits black at some places. This black smoke made me scared that I fucked up something real bad but it strengthened my energies. It was good until the "Shakti" energy that was flowing into my body became so overwhelming I couldn't merge with it properly because my willpower started to run out and I started to lose control of my body. I didn't just need to control my muscles with my mind but the energy within too and when my thoughts weren't 100% clear I started to go limp or made random movements and cramps. I had to stop this energy channeling to figure out what just happened. Oh and we are in the vampire thread... Well I "acquired" a "vampire trait". My energies became so etheric that running water and some electric devices started to drain it. The legend that "vampires can't cross running water" started to become real. (Most spirits can't cross water. Not even with bridges sometimes). And because that smoke still emitted from my being I figured out that smoke is "Being cleaned out" by merging with my pure energies. There was one problem with that smoke. It was pure apathy. The one that makes you feel like there is nothing for you to do in life but you don't want to kill yourself or anything but just sleep and laze around until all ends. It was a new level of depression. I realized I need to find my "inner true will" to "retake" my body. It was a week long soul searching but I managed.