>>3936
>in a (female) body
Your soul origin stabilizes better in a female body... But only in the ancient female body. Current females are especially weak compared to them so being in a male body for spiritual pathworking reasons is better. The reasons for this are complicated.
>saying i'm not human
Yeah they were quite wild times when mages were systematically hunted because they kinda destabilized earth. It was kinda annoying for your sisters because you could see and talk to them easily when you were a mage but mages started to kinda die off so they had to find you a human body that is almost as good.
>didn't feel anything like an emotionless machine
Oh don't worry about that. Once someone proves that they are after my life or just simply piss me off way too much for no reason I also activate some instakill ways by instinct. It usually surprises me also. Actually that is some of my parts I have to fix because as my powers increase "snapping" is not something I can do carelessly. I am also getting in touch with my "kindness" with kindness my energies will be less wild and even in the face of adversity I can find kind ways to dispatch my enemies.
>i don't think its a human thing, it always felt like a default mode change when i become her/me
How to explain... You had a quite strong past life but not strong enough to leave. The problem is that her full power is extremely incompatible with the current human body standard. Like females being weaker than men in 99% of the cases atm. Back then women had way more potential if their spirit allowed it. The bodies were more "flexible". Not now their womb explodes and bleed to death if they are not careful with their power. No am not talking about menstruation but about actually bleeding to death because that faulty organ can't handle the high energy output. Especially after puberty. It's hell being a woman.
>No suicide
Good. That usually places you at the bottom of the spiritual barrel. I don't know a single effective suicide ritual that works 100% of the times. Especially for you who doesn't even have demon origins. (I just got an answer that they were not aware that suicide rituals require some level of demon alignments and that they were fucking you up with those suicide rituals which promised ascension and such.)
>as my current self never kill or harm others
Yeah that usually complicates things further. Not just because of karma but because if you manage to piss of some being that is high on the spiritual foodchain and lose the good will of all the entities that are trying to help you get out then... better not get into that. They are finally glad they found a "good way" to make a way for you.
>>no trooning out of any kind
Yeah being castrated and those shitty hormonal therapies really would fuck up many parts of your being. Getting a good enough human body was hard enough already. Don't ruin it.