>>4227
>>4258
>>4260
I didn't want to share my 2 cents about this because >>4231 this artifact looked good enough and I thought it will solve this problem. I too had something like this happen but for me it was a literal tornado. I was the eye of the storm and all energy around me tried to rip me apart and build me together. Then everything went kinda calm. For me it is probably this way because I was always in this I want to die low energy state and I countered it with my pure unfiltered anger that I felt toward this world. Wanna get productive? Use the energy from the pure anger! Wanna sleep? Remember how pointless everything is and enjoy the silence of apathy. This turned me into an extremely maladjusted individual but sure as hell I was effective at the things I wanted to achieve. It turned out this mentality was extremely compatible with the vampire mentality. Then my path got some extra oomph when I started to work with Shiva. With that I could reach the "way" of the higher vampires. I had to witness something interesting. In hinduism and buddhism there are the deities of impermanence Life Death Rebirth. I managed to contact the 3 kings of immortality. They were pure "fluffy" white energy in the inside their skin was green like plants (Osiris) and they were on fire. That fire consumed and nourished their "skin" and that skin covered their entire "spirit materia". If any impurity reached them the fire just burned hotter and the skin is not to protect them the skin is to protect the "environment" from their "true energy". That superenergy must be contained through an adaptive container.
What I am trying to say here...
You guys need to find your reasons to live and the "fuel" that makes you go forward. Hard for me to put it into words because I always pulled all nighters and worked nightshifts while using nothing but my pure rage to sustain my awareness but you have to find the energy that is within you deeply. Not gather energy from the environment find the energy that gives energy to everything. Then learn to wield it. Usually the "real" energy is intelligent and it is possible to talk to. It's like when a "food" tells you to "eat it". It's usually your hunger or gluttony talking but that is for human food intake. There is a feeling for these energies too. Finding the will to live usually happens in near death experiences sadly. This is why meditating in cemeteries are a must for some paths because if you can't get in touch with death then you will never get in touch with life. From life comes death and from death comes life. Everything lives and when we don't want to live we still live.

Not to mention real life energies are so fucking wild that my lower energies almost get scared from it. Which is actually good because when it manages to merge with my rage things "happen". Still need to clean my lower energies. Also now I can feel the energies of most places that I don't "own" energetically. With a simple combustion I can clean it and people suddenly become nice and helpful. Always a good reminder how the illusions behind the illusions move everything.
Also I don't know what counts as Qi Jing Gong or Virtue anymore... One of my greatest breakthrough was when I realized how I can feed on cosmic radiation. Not to mention the things I see my organs do... Always want to look at anatomy pics to get a better understanding but my guides always say
>do you really want to base you understanding upon false images instead truly feeling how things are?
It's not like they are against it they just remind me that I can always use a better way instead of falling back to the mundane (((scientific method))). Propaganda managed to twist what is and isn't science nowadays in such ways it's disgusting.