>>4658
>your body will have to move in the most effective way because you have no energy to waste

Currently this is what I am "grasping" with all my movements and lifestyles and thought patterns. I had a sort of OVERLOAD EVERYTHING UNTIL IT WORKS or drain all energy from it to "stay in place" approach in the past. Now I have to give up all these "false methodologies" so my "true form" can come through. I realized I had this when I was a kid 4 or 5 year old but I lost it because parental retardation. Forcing me to learn false and inefficient patterns and routines kept me busy for decades. Also I never got into fighting because I am a big guy so people don't really try anything around me and how good I am at fighting is about how much I want my enemy dead. If I consider him human I would not be able to "go all out". This is why "sportsmanship" is a kind of foreign concept for me.
>the engine, it needs to be used
Yeah I had to reconnect to it and let it activate all the other parts of my being. It was around high school when I realized I have the inner spark and I have to make sure to protect it until I achieve a level of autonomy where I can finally walk my path because I am just fucking unable to live like an NPC.

>the melee battlefield when surrounded by enemies and allies and you find yourself unarmed on the ground
I have a sort of frenzy mode It lasts as long as I look into the eyes of a human that is horrified for their life. I not just see into their soul but see the reflection of the monster that I turned into and that is the moment when I "snap out of it". but as I said they need to have a level of soul/humanity or I will not snap out of it. This is why low level attacks are usually being swept away with high energy discharges like you move your hand to swat flies or scratch your butt... which is also the sign that my energy flows are still imperfect because perfect energy flows are untouchable pacifying and as the vajra means "irresistible"

I just learned today how I can let my desires go out of control and literally "take over me" and instead of fighting it let it "go in full circle" and all I have to do is just not add that +1 conscious energy into it so it "activates a pattern". The hardest part was ofc not fighting it. Let it overtake you so you can overtake it instead of bottling it and fighting the plug and the bottle until it breaks. It is so nuanced holy shit and "modern society" gave us so many false ideas how to handle ourself it's crazy.