>>8172
too keep this vampire themed. I recently realized what my issue was in regard with vampirism. Technically speaking i had several skills and enlightment stages relating to vampirism. one was said to be "foundational level vampirism" by snail and not every vamp has it. However all of this was only relevant to a small part of my mind. you see i never cared for vampirism in a practice kind of way. It has a certain mindset too it. Its not that i couldn't assume the mindset,or even use it and master it. that would be easier to fix. No i could, but it was always a sort of small "subsystem" in my mind. meaning i delegated a small part to "play vampire" for a while.this made me someone with the subconscious technical knowledge of vampirism but no intention of ever growing in it. you could say my enlightenment was "stacked high" but not broad. as an example there's a sigil that leads all way to tagatha opening,making a small space for vampirism. I recently redid al lot of the magic here because i might as well be a different person,some might have been me some jackal some the even earlier soul,so i had to redo the essentials.Anyway if one successfully did the tagatha opening then in a sense they've accomplished something beyond most younger vampires but if they leave it at that they will slowly create a line towards that but nothing else. it might be great in technical "achievement" but without experience there's no real strength in a way.Realizing this and after hearing i am indeed a fallen angel like so many entities and dreams told me before i realized i had to make it "attractive" or "sexy" to me.1 thing i did was actually talk to my angel side,its literally me in a direct way but my "heart" was never in it.They begrudgingly activated more of the vampire skills.Another thing i did was make use of the old "superV" Instead of technical skills i asked her to our vampiric mindset in my main area. It didnt really give me the predator mindset which i don't mind. It made me accept it a bit more. A third thing is i realize ive always somehow seen them as a "dead" end that cant really get that high or strongly, with some exceptions for example the first one.I was a tatagatha at some point in the past so in that sense it makes sense,from that perspective vampires just look like "people" to you.Aside from their strength in 1 v 1 fighting owing to their indestructible tenacity which is hard to grasp.There was this bias that the mental aspect of it would prevent them from ever really getting anywhere.