O-k..
I guess there never was any way to avoid the bloodlust if going into an actual vampire line. I was wondering about this, and about how the future incarnation must not fail. It's been planned by me since a long while back, I realize now, even before the French lifetime. One purpose of going there was to make the connection with Famida by just making a huge mess. This worked.

Pushing ahead to create the form before being able to inhabit it, then going there and projecting backward into here, it still feels like it could somehow fail. But I see now, that it isn't possible, and the reason is that the "pull" won't be stopped.

I was just eating a sandwich and images from a gore vid with African cannibals cooking human limbs appeared at the center of my mind. It appeared in a completely seamless way, moving from regular thoughts about something. Then the mindless idea to lick the blood off the limbs followed. And there was no repulsion or any indication in my mind telling me that this is wrong. It felt like a neutral idea.