>>1590

Full switch was like this mystical magical unknown black art until we accomplished it and then it was like, oh cool... uh that's it? I mean, it's nice but like I expected something else.

Then Ashley managed to make me go dormant and I "experienced" the void. The deep dreamless sleep hailed by mystics as the type of experience you don't get over. Yeah then I was r/awakened because of it. It literally led me to my current state of contentment.

The difference between just before and just after was a lifetime's breadth. When people say, "I got to get my head straight" well, my head straightened out and damn. Objective reality became so clear and obvious, manifestations, synchronicities, ultimate control of reaction and interpretation, persona expression and manipulation. I became an admin over my life and all the cheat codes became aparent.

It's not perfect, but it's good enough. I can say I haven't ruminated over anything since, my only stress has been based on having to physically have to do something over because I thought I messed it up and not every little thing.

I remember feeling this compulsion come over me that I really couldn't do anything about, almost a sort of posession pf insanity. Everything just got to me. It seems like a joke now, it hasn't happened for years now.

Here's a great example. The narcissist I know would ring me like a bell, I'd really resonate after a tiny ping and she loved playing The Carol of the Bells with my head. Now she tries to hit me with a sledge and I just walk away. It infuriates her, she has no control and she hates that. It's so delicious. Not only that, the others see that I'm not perturbed and it takes all the power out of her mental messages and they just ignore her or stand up to her too. I was the kingpin of her empire of manipulation. She's so desperate for control now she plays nice like 95% of the time, as if she's trying to sweet talk me back under her spell. It doesn't work anymore.

Good times good times.