Anonymous
01/25/2025 (Sat) 07:33
[Preview]
No.3105
del
Bonbi makes me want to die. And not for just one reason. I want to die because of how wonderful she was in 18/19. It's not that I want to be with her or anything like that. It's the agony of knowing there is someone that wonderful in the world. I don't know how I can live. I want to... Bask in her presence, I suppose. Worship her. And love love love love love love her with a passionate and, I know, totally insane passion. And do anything for her. Sacrifice my whole being for her, die for her, protect her at the cost of my body, sanity, and soul.
And I want also to die because of the horror of what has happened. I do not want to live in a world in which this sort of thing happens. I don't want to have to live in a reality where it is possible for someone that wonderful to be so utterly degraded. I don't want to have to keep on going. It is too much. It is too much to ask of anyone.
And I hate hate hate hate God for letting all this happen. None of this should have been. It isn't right. I hate God for allowing this to happen to me, to us... But most of all to her. I still love her so much even if it is mixed up with incredible frustration and resentment for her being so foolish and bad and... Most of all, weak, when once she seemed the strongest, most wonderful, most sublime person, anywhere. I hate all of creation, every particle, every little little thing down to the atom, and all the totality of the whole, for this awful thing.
I know I'm insane, you don't have to tell me. I know it I know it I know it I know it I know it.
And in my mad sick mind all the thoughts are of her,. And all the thoughts are sad.